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The scarcity of marriageable males is especially acute when one is anticipating marrying a Christian man. And so, beautiful young women here pine away and dream of nuptials somewhere in the distant future. There are just not enough marriageable men to go around minus the usual addictions. And eligible Christian men are rarer than the most precious gems. When missionary Larry Moon gave a talk on how to find a good husband at an independent Baptist church, the meeting was packed with young women seeking advice on how to maintain their purity and hope in an environment where finding a good Christian man is like winning the lottery and where Muslim parents tirelessly attempt to force their children, especially daughters, into marriages with Muslims. When the devushkas (girls) finally do get their chance, they are invariably the more responsible partner in a marriage, and if Christian, are tenacious supporters of their husbands, regardless of what their character might be. The young men here, for the most part, grow up without any Christian role models. They have learned from their childhood that to be a man means doing pretty much what one wants to, with a wink and a nod from society at large. Men are expected to be irresponsible here. |
 Many
of the
Christian men have been saved out of alcoholism and drug addiction.
They are believers now, but carry with them a great amount of baggage and
a number of rough edges from their pasts. For their part, not having good
paying jobs, they are not ready to rush into marriage. And even if they
had the desire, a great many of them are socially inept around sisters in
Christ, having found themselves, for the first time in their lives, in an
environment that actually respects women.For the most part, they are wary of giving a young lady the impression that they are interested for fear of being sized up for a tux before marriage even enters their minds. Crushing a sister in Christ’s hopes can garner one, whether deserved or not, the reputation of a play boy or a heart breaker. And when they do take a shine to a young lady, their first consideration is always secrecy. For months they will deny that they have an interest in someone, while at the same time secretly dating them. The reason is that the Russian Baptists do not really have the same concept of dating as we do in the States. When an unmarried man and a single women begin to spend a lot of time together, the church begins to put subtle and not so subtle pressure on them to either marry or discontinue their rendezvous. And so, many young people develop a relationship in secret and then publicly announce the pairing only after engagement. In that way, if the relationship does not work out, then they are free to see someone else without damaging their reputations. Of course, much like in the U.S., dating among non-Christians, by contrast, is a free-for-all in which anything goes. Once a young Christian man overcomes his reticence and marries, divorce is not a viable option. There is divorce in the church here, but post salvation, it is considerably rarer than in the States and most often is accompanied by church discipline. An example of such a courtship would be that of Timur and Gulsina (not their real names). Until recently, Gulsina was one of the hopeful devushkas waiting to present her self behind a man. Gulsina, a Bashkirka, has a ready smile and a quick wit. She became a follower of Jesus a number of years ago and then one by one, won the members of her immediate family to Christ, save her father, who remains a Muslim.
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Gulsina has always been so outgoing and friendly that we have often teased that she is secretly an American and only posing as a Bashkirka. We were continually amazed that she was still available. Of course, we had no idea that she was secretly dating Timur, a Christian Tartar. The Tartars, descendants of the Golden Horde of Genghis Khan, are staunchly Muslim. And far less than 1% of them are Christians. Moreover, Timur doesn’t drink or take drugs, which makes him a rare find, indeed. And so, when Gulsina and Timur the Tartar announced their intentions, the church body in Ufa greatly rejoiced. Timur’s family, however, was not as enthusiastic. Timur was expected to marry a Muslim girl. His own mother threatened to disown him if he married Gulsina. The phlegmatic Timur, partially from embarrassment and partially from momentary indecision, walled himself off from not only the church, but from Gulsina as well. What could he do? If he married, his own mother would consider him dead. She might even have a mock funeral for him. Weeks passed… the marriage was off… or so it seemed. Strangely enough, Timur’s mother suddenly took ill and died. A few weeks later there was a rapprochement between the young couple and the marriage was back on again.
The service was simple and beautiful. Like in the States, a pastor gives a sermon about the importance of marriage and the couple’s roles and responsibilities in marriage. And like in the States, there is an exchange of vows, both traditional and personal. But unlike Baptist weddings in America, couples married in the Baptist church here take their first communion together during the service. Then while they face each other on their knees, the pastor places his hands on their heads blesses them… profusely. Friends and family weep as the long blessing proceeds, often for ten minutes or more. Then in trembling voices, the bride and groom take turns praying for their union as man and wife. After being officially declared man and wife, as is the tradition here, the wedding party visits a number of monuments and parks for photographs. And Timur and Gulsina did not break tradition. Gulsina’s relatives followed along behind the party playing accordions and singing Bashkiri folk songs. Timur’s somber faced relatives, looking as though they were attending a funeral, also took up escort duty. And two American missionaries (Chris and Larry) raced around the entourage looking for camera angles. The city tour was followed, according to tradition, of course, by an enormous several hour feast back at the Church. |
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Thank our God and King for knitting together, in His sovereignty, yet another Christian family. Ask God to supernaturally empower Timur and Gulsina to reach Timur’s relatives and Gulsina’s dad for Christ. Pray for our Lord’s protection and blessing on their union, so that the Tartars and Bashkirs here might see the contrast between Christian marriages and their own. Ask the Lord to find Christian husbands for the many young devushkas who attended the wedding who are struggling with waiting for what they perceive to be a needle in the haystack. Ask the Lord to help them to wait for His timing rather than standing behind a non-believer. |
Hillary Clinton and Kate Michelman would definitely
have difficulty in Russian culture, in that the very verb “to marry” (with
respect to women) literally means to go out, or present oneself, behind a
man. And there are a plethora of young Russian, Bashkir, and Tartar
20-something ladies here who greatly desire to do just that, present
themselves behind a man. But alas, with about 50% of the available male
population either a slave to the bottle or addicted to drugs, the pickings
are indeed slim.
The blessed day finally came, and the excited
Christian body gathered in the House of Prayer. The shy Timur was tense,
but Gulsina was absolutely radiant, beaming a smile to all who caught her
eye. Muslim relatives sat stone-faced, in marked contrast to the joy
filled Jesus followers present.